Imagine for a minute that you are…not who you really think you are. Consider the idea that there’s a ‘real-deal-authentically-brilliant’ you somewhere within that the world is dying to meet. The version of you that has more love, less fear, more freedom, less worry, more joy…and gives less fucks. I reckon we all do, but this happier, freer, stronger authentic self usually lies sleeping within us because we worry too much about what other people think, or spend way too much time people pleasing. “I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.” This is the number one thing people said on their deathbeds, according to Australian palliative care nurse Bronnie Ware, who spent years recording epiphanies of dying patients. How sad would it be if those were some of the last words coming out of your mouth on your deathbed? Imagine your son, daughter, or grandchildren hearing you say something like that? In this blog post, I’m going to be writing about what I firmly believe holds us back from living a more fulfilled life – and discovering who we really are. I’ll be sharing… * The top 5 tips on how to improve self development that I’ve learned on my own journey of self-discovery over the past decade. (Which is still continuing by the way, I’m certainly not claiming to know it all!) * How you can take these lessons – and discover others yourself – to take your life to the next level. * Why your ‘vibe’ is more important than anything else. * Why being the ‘nice guy/gal’ isn’t actually doing you any good. * The two simple words that have the power to transform any situation in your life. Sound good? Let’s get into it.
I used to try and listen to the best self development podcasts in the morning on the drive to my old job.
Unexpectedly, one of the best ever episodes was an interview with a bread delivery guy. This wasn’t just any bread delivery guy.
Kimanzi Constable used to grind out a living in America by delivering fresh bread to stores at 3am. Day after day.
For years he dreamt about writing and publishing a book, but his mind and inner critic got in the way for too long. Rejection letters from publishers further heightened his self-doubt.
The combination of the painful thought of working his soul-destroying day job for another decade and relentless hard work got Kimanzi on the path of his dreams.
It all began with writing for free for some of the world’s top online magazines, such as The Huffington Post, and progressed to getting paid writing gigs and self-publishing his own books.
What could possibly be next? Public speaking? His own consulting business? Earning in one night what he’d previously earned in a year?
‘No way, you dough ball!’ you’re probably thinking right now.
Yes, it all happened for Kimanzi – with many failures along the way of course. But the stressed-out, overweight, unhappy bread delivery guy is now a happy, healthy, successful businessman living the good life based in Hawaii.
Kimanzi focused on how to improve self development, but what else did Kimanzi do that the vast majority of people never do in order to completely transform his life?
What one thing did he repeat over and over again to get where he is now?
He continually faced his fears.
The fear of rejection from publishers. The fear of failing miserably in his new writing career.
The fear of being laughed at by negative friends and workmates for ‘getting above his station’. This point is one of the most significant as I firmly this is a major block for many people wanting to pursue their passion.
How do you overcome it? The answer lies below in the first of my 5 pieces of advice when it comes to furthering your own self-growth.
So Yeah, Those 5 Tips On How To Improve Self Development…
#1 Care less about the opinions of others
This is what Kimanzi did on his road to the top. It’s what we all need to do in order to have freedom and develop the courage to pursue what you really want.
I see too many people sweating over what others think of them, to the point where they are suffering anxiety.
A couple of months ago I saw a post on Facebook from a friend who was upset that someone was apparently suggesting she was a bad mother.
She seemed really upset by this and I saw there were over 50 comments from people trying to console her, saying the usual things like “are you okay, hun?” and “some people can be so cruel” to others going off at the deep end commenting, “where does she live? I’ll sort her out.”
Leaving the Facebook hysteria aside, there is one truth that makes all of the noise and drama irrelevant: the only opinion about you that truly matters is your own.
#2 Your vibe is the most important thing
You know how we’ve all got that one hilarious friend we just love being around? We feel good around them and always have a laugh together.
It’s highly likely that fun friend is likely operating at a higher level of consciousness than your grumpy boss at work, who is always complaining, and can kill the atmosphere in a room.
You see, the level of human consciousness – or vibration – varies from person to person and it dictates your experience of life.
While many people don’t consciously recognise it, we all feel each other’s vibe. Without getting too geeky and scientific, everything is just energy at a very core level.
When we work on our self-development, when we better ourselves, build our self-esteem, and become more giving and caring, we can raise our level of consciousness/vibration.
And it’s only from this place of higher consciousness that we can see real change in our lives –and attract what we truly want.
Myself and YouRevolution co-founder Alan Wilson go into much more detail on this in our upcoming online course Revolutionise You.
If you want to learn more, then feel free to sign up to our mailing list by clicking here.
#3 Stop people pleasing
This is something that many people do unconsciously – and a trait I’ve had to work hard at untraining myself.
When you get serious about working on yourself and improving your life (and the lives of others), the Universe meets you halfway and you begin to develop an increased level of self-awareness.
That’s when you may well find (just like I did previously) that some of my behaviours were to try and impress others, or make them happy.
This might sound like a noble ‘nice guy/gal’ approach, but it generally stems from an unmet personal need for love and attention.
You don’t need to constantly please others. Impress yourself by growing in all areas of your life. Your self-development and natural confidence will speak volumes.
#4 Why you must forgive yourself
You know that guilt you’re hanging on to? Time to let it go, it’s doing you (and no-one else) any good.
Just about everyone you meet is carrying some level of guilt for something that happened in the past. Some people are especially good at dragging it up frequently and giving themselves a kicking.
What good is that doing anyone? Guilt is one of the lowest levels of human consciousness. It goes hand in hand with blame, leaves you feeling weak, and prevents you from making progress in your life.
How can you expect to make positive changes in your life if you’re still feeling guilty about a past event that cannot be changed?
By hanging onto those negative feelings, you’re keeping yourself stuck in a low energy state where it’s virtually impossible to transform your life.
Making mistakes, big and small, is all part of the human experience. It’s just the way it goes.
Forgive yourself and properly let it go.
#5 Say thank you for ALL of it
This is a biggie – and can be completely transformational if practiced over and over.
Life can be a real struggle at times. We fight back, resist, pray, get deflated, give up, shout, cry, project, complain, worry…the list goes on.
It’s all well and good being told to “just accept whatever is happening” or “it is what it is”.
When life gets really stressful and challenging, these philosophies are not really that helpful or practical.
I’ve got another suggestion. One which sounds simple, but is very powerful when done consistently.
When life isn’t turning out how you planned…
When you don’t get the job…
When your holiday got cancelled…
When you get sick unexpectedly…
Say “thank you”.
Sounds a bit nuts, saying thank you for something you don’t want to experience.
Here’s the thing: it’s not actually the event that’s causing you the pain and stress – it’s your resistance to that event.
Any two people in Scotland today will get the ‘bad’ news that they didn’t get the job they’d applied for.
For one of them, it could ruin their entire week and send them into a depression – because of their resistance to the news.
For the other person, it could be a completely different scenario. If they said “thank you” in response to what happened, they completely kill off resistance and any chance of negative emotions taking hold in their bodies, and ultimately fuelling endless negative thoughts.
But why would they say “thank you” in this case anyway?
Because they have faith that the job wasn’t for them anyway.
Because they know they’re being looked after – and there’s an even better job around the corner.
Because they’re grateful they have the skills, know-how, and opportunity to even apply for jobs.
It takes practice. It takes time. But those two simple words can be a complete game-changer in your life when done consistently.
Marc McLean is a 39-year-old self-development and wellness coach, a health and fitness author, and co-founder of YouRevolution. Following his own long journey to wellness, Marc is ridiculously passionate about alternative health practices, wellbeing and self-growth. Marc lives in the Loch Lomond area of Scotland and his hobbies include hillwalking, getting out in nature, going to the gym, dancing (mostly to techno), eating, and video production. Instagram: @marc_mclean1982; @yourevolution2